How is it that we know we are alone in this world, yet we spend every waking minute working to find someone to walk the road with us.
Is it a flaw in our wiring as human beings, or is this just me?
Over and over again, i've been proven that it's me myself and i in this universe, and yet i spend every waking minute struggling to find my other half.
Maybe he's disguised as the man I see at starbucks every morning, or my best friend who lives 3 thousand miles away.
How many times am i going to lean on you to find myself attempting to get up again from a fall.
It's a vital flaw we all suffer from, the need for our "better half"... some find it in their best friend, a family member, or their significant other
Some think they have found it
Some hope they will find it
and some never do
It's been years that i've been proven that I never will. Every single person i have leaned on has at some point left me, so why do i feel the need to still keep looking?
Friends come and go, family drifts apart, men break up with you, and the only person still by you're side will be your own shadow.
We all suffer from this agonizing need to somehow fulfill ourself by finding someone to share our ups and downs with, yet most of us are destined to share these moments with ourself and only ourself.
-XOXO
currently hoping this is the lowest point
ARIADNE
Saturday, March 1, 2014
Saturday, February 22, 2014
maybe we could live tomorrow, but i know that we live today
What is the low point? What is rock bottom?
I think i've hit it so many times. over and over again i'll think this is it, this is the second I forget him, that i quit the rush i get simply by breathing his air. I promise myself that i'll quit getting high off of his being, and once my head clears of the thc and my blood clears of the liquor, i come to my senses. Until I'm in the same state of mind again...
And then there's a low point... There's a low point where you hit rock bottom. For me, that was tonight, moderately intoxicated too.
There's comes a time, when there's either a sentence, or a phrase, or look that makes you know it's rock bottom.
For me that hit when he referred to her as his girlfriend. Not his ex, not his on and off, his girlfriend.
Is there a more clear sign out there?
Meanwhile what am I doing? Convincing myself that it can maybe magically work out some time... Maybe somehow in a land far far away this would happen. And maybe somehow sometime i will have my happy ending
See fairytales don't exist, mainly because prince charming is a fucking idiot.
In my case prince charming is chasing the evil step sister, while cinderella is here ruining her make up because of him.
Is there a point lower than this?
I think i've hit it so many times. over and over again i'll think this is it, this is the second I forget him, that i quit the rush i get simply by breathing his air. I promise myself that i'll quit getting high off of his being, and once my head clears of the thc and my blood clears of the liquor, i come to my senses. Until I'm in the same state of mind again...
And then there's a low point... There's a low point where you hit rock bottom. For me, that was tonight, moderately intoxicated too.
There's comes a time, when there's either a sentence, or a phrase, or look that makes you know it's rock bottom.
For me that hit when he referred to her as his girlfriend. Not his ex, not his on and off, his girlfriend.
Is there a more clear sign out there?
Meanwhile what am I doing? Convincing myself that it can maybe magically work out some time... Maybe somehow in a land far far away this would happen. And maybe somehow sometime i will have my happy ending
See fairytales don't exist, mainly because prince charming is a fucking idiot.
In my case prince charming is chasing the evil step sister, while cinderella is here ruining her make up because of him.
Is there a point lower than this?
Monday, February 17, 2014
Cuz only girls say I hate you to the guys that they love
Have you ever though about what being truly alone feels like?
almost 9 pm on a monday night and this is what loneliness feels like to me:
The guy i like is out doing his own thing
.... and i've basically pushed out everyone else out of my life because of him.
Loneliness is what we do to ourselves. No one did this to me, it's a result of my own actions that I am sitting here watching The Bachelor on a monday night wishing I had someone to call right now. Someone that would listen, or come over.
See I met someone a while ago, and I fell for him real hard. As a result, I pushed people out, all people I loved, and would have been here for me had I not neglected them.
I have ignored calls from my family for him.
I have ignored calls from my best friends for him.
I have ignored calls from my sorority sisters for him.
I have ignored calls from my roommate for him.
I have ignored calls from my friends for him.
.... and he has ignored my calls for her.
That's the true definition of loneliness, knowing that you did this to yourself.
-XOXO
currently craving hookah
ARIADNE
ps. i hate him with all my being
almost 9 pm on a monday night and this is what loneliness feels like to me:
The guy i like is out doing his own thing
.... and i've basically pushed out everyone else out of my life because of him.
Loneliness is what we do to ourselves. No one did this to me, it's a result of my own actions that I am sitting here watching The Bachelor on a monday night wishing I had someone to call right now. Someone that would listen, or come over.
See I met someone a while ago, and I fell for him real hard. As a result, I pushed people out, all people I loved, and would have been here for me had I not neglected them.
I have ignored calls from my family for him.
I have ignored calls from my best friends for him.
I have ignored calls from my sorority sisters for him.
I have ignored calls from my roommate for him.
I have ignored calls from my friends for him.
.... and he has ignored my calls for her.
That's the true definition of loneliness, knowing that you did this to yourself.
-XOXO
currently craving hookah
ARIADNE
ps. i hate him with all my being
Para Para Paradise
I've always been fascinated with the greek gods. So why not choose one every time I end a post to tell you guys what mood I'm in at the time I wrote the post, look at my last one, yes, I'm still there.
Today was a very productive day. As a modern woman in her early twenties, finding a cheap wine that tastes like you're sitting a napa winery sipping on $700 bottles of wine is definitely in my top 3 lists of best things that can ever happen to me.
Another minor detail that might have made today special was that I might have potentially taken half a step into getting my life together as an adult. In case you were wondering how I reached that conclusion, here's a picture of my table right now:
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See, in the past 6 moths I have cut contact with everyone I grew up with, was cut off and almost disowned by my parents, fell more than .5 in my GPA, gone almost $6K in credit card debt, lost any girl friends I've had, lost my job, started smoking, gained 20 pounds, gained a new group of the most dysfunctional guy friends ever, and fell in love with one of them.
Who is in love with someone else.
Who I'm sure is the love of my life.
Who I see and fall more in love with on a daily basis.
Who consumes my every thought.
Who has absolutely no fuckn clue about anything right now.
As you can tell I was much in need of getting my life together.
-XOXO
currently wishing he would text me and come over
ALGEA
Today was a very productive day. As a modern woman in her early twenties, finding a cheap wine that tastes like you're sitting a napa winery sipping on $700 bottles of wine is definitely in my top 3 lists of best things that can ever happen to me.
Another minor detail that might have made today special was that I might have potentially taken half a step into getting my life together as an adult. In case you were wondering how I reached that conclusion, here's a picture of my table right now:
See, in the past 6 moths I have cut contact with everyone I grew up with, was cut off and almost disowned by my parents, fell more than .5 in my GPA, gone almost $6K in credit card debt, lost any girl friends I've had, lost my job, started smoking, gained 20 pounds, gained a new group of the most dysfunctional guy friends ever, and fell in love with one of them.
Who is in love with someone else.
Who I'm sure is the love of my life.
Who I see and fall more in love with on a daily basis.
Who consumes my every thought.
Who has absolutely no fuckn clue about anything right now.
As you can tell I was much in need of getting my life together.
-XOXO
currently wishing he would text me and come over
ALGEA
Sunday, February 16, 2014
white wine, i come alive in the night time
When you say you love me, know I love you more.
... playing in the background as i sit hear two days after valentines day. thinking.
why did this song just come on?
after a long day my glass of wine has magically refilled itself about 4 times and i finally decided to give in to exactly what i had refused to do for many years now... start my own blog.
life positioned me to become a mentor. god created my brain to always visualize myself as the eldest in the room, the most responsible. for as long as i remember every hair that fell from my dad's head as he balded with age, i blamed myself for.
life grew me, it molded me, it bitchslapped me across the face many many times but ultimately it cultivated me with all my issues to be exactly what i am.
two years ago i started blogging, always anonymously, always on other individuals' blogs, and always had the most feedback.
they told me to start my own blog but simply the idea of putting all of my thoughts into a website was baffling to me. could i really paint that picture to the world? of how crazy i truly am?
it was theraputic, healthy, and a good way to work on my own writing skills personally, but it was scary.
Well as i sit here today, just a little intoxicated into my sixth glass, knowing i've probably fallen as low as it gets, i think i'm finally doing it, starting my own blog.
And who knows, maybe this will be the only post and i will get bored with this after this first post, like i have with everyone and everything else with my life.
-XOXO
currently wishing he was next to me - or in me
-HIMEROS
... playing in the background as i sit hear two days after valentines day. thinking.
why did this song just come on?
after a long day my glass of wine has magically refilled itself about 4 times and i finally decided to give in to exactly what i had refused to do for many years now... start my own blog.
life positioned me to become a mentor. god created my brain to always visualize myself as the eldest in the room, the most responsible. for as long as i remember every hair that fell from my dad's head as he balded with age, i blamed myself for.
life grew me, it molded me, it bitchslapped me across the face many many times but ultimately it cultivated me with all my issues to be exactly what i am.
two years ago i started blogging, always anonymously, always on other individuals' blogs, and always had the most feedback.
they told me to start my own blog but simply the idea of putting all of my thoughts into a website was baffling to me. could i really paint that picture to the world? of how crazy i truly am?
it was theraputic, healthy, and a good way to work on my own writing skills personally, but it was scary.
Well as i sit here today, just a little intoxicated into my sixth glass, knowing i've probably fallen as low as it gets, i think i'm finally doing it, starting my own blog.
And who knows, maybe this will be the only post and i will get bored with this after this first post, like i have with everyone and everything else with my life.
-XOXO
currently wishing he was next to me - or in me
-HIMEROS
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